Dual Misconduct

Can we get right into a nitty-gritty topic in this post?

Sexual abuse allegations.

I am not writing about this because of all the stuff on the media about it right now. I didn’t feel the need. I am actually writing about it because of the last episode of a show I’ve been recommending.

In this episode, a female intern gets propositioned and…touched awkwardly…by a male doctor.

You know the drill. She feels this is just a problem women face in the workplace, and if she makes an issue of it, she’ll get labeled a… a whiner, I’ll put it that way. And also difficult.

What struck me about this situation on the show was that the man in question knew that this intern had an…shall we say active sexual life, right there at the hospital, so he thought even though she was acting disinterested, he could persuade her to change her mind.

I refuse to be more explicit then that, you’ve all heard the story already.

Now to be fair, the situation hasn’t been resolved yet, so I can’t say whether the show will do it right or not. But I can say a continuous problem I see with shows that like to tackle this issue.

And that is Feminine Responsibility.

I will not downplay how serious a problem sexual advances can be. Even if they are invited, they are not always appropriate. But when they aren’t invited, it’s worse naturally.

But what about the other side of the coin?

Have you noticed how the women on these shows tend to throw themselves at men…and make advances on them. Invited or not.

The reason they get away with it is because the shows assume every man watching would be totally okay with a woman trying to seduce him. Even if he’s married, or has a significant other.

And of course, a lot of men probably wouldn’t argue that. But there’s a few out there who would be very uncomfortable if such a scenario actually happened. (And in my opinion it happens a lot less than the shows imply.

Which brings me back to the point of responsibility.

I have to tell you all, and without embarrassment, that I’ve never been sexually assaulted in any way, or propositioned.

I’ve never been asked out in a normal way actually.

And you have to understand, I’m not ugly. Everyone tells me I’m very good looking. And I’m not some wierdo who drives men off or anything.

So I think I can say with confidence that there’s no outward reason I’ve escaped this problem other than luck…or something more.

If women really deal with this so often, and if men like that are really everywhere, maybe we should consider our own behavior also.

And I mean we as a gender, because personally I try to conduct myself like a lady.

Now, no man, ever, should make an advance on a women who clearly says she doesn’t want it. Period.

But…. 

If women really deal with this so often, and if men like that are really everywhere, maybe we should consider our own behavior also.

Just on this show, I see issues with the intern’s jaded attitude.

First of all, she has a reputation clearly. If people know she’s sleeping around with some guy at the hospital, then that says a lot about what she’s willing to do on the job. No body but herself could have given her that rep. It was her choice to do that, the other intern didn’t force himself on her. In fact we see her be the more aggressive one in a different episode.

Again, unrealistic, but if women in real life were to do things like that, and it got around, they would raise certain expectations.

Now, you might say, men could do the same thing without being propositioned by other people at the workplace.

And you would probably be right.

But that’s because women don’t typically go after men the same way men go after them. The women who do get in sexual affairs may not be any less sick and twisted, but they will be in different and often less visible ways.

So, yes, men will do more things we arrest people for. But it doesn’t mean they are always necessarily worse than the women. Not at the heart of it. Sexual misconduct is not always aggressive.

Furthermore, the intern on the show is also known to flirt with other men on staff. By accident maybe, but people will pick up on that.

There is no nice way to say this, if you act like you are easy, people will think you are easy. That’s all there is to it.

See, I believe men, even the sick predators among them, can read women better than we realize. I think that’s why I have always been treated with respect by the opposite sex.

I notice that I, and my sisters and mother, are treated differently by most men than the people we know who are more… morally ambiguous.

It doesn’t mean there aren’t sickos out there who will still come on to us. Sometimes a sick mind takes pleasure in hurting the most innocent of people. But that’s more rare.

The fact is, more predators go for those they perceive as weaker in standards.

And as tired a subject as it is, I think how girls dress is a big part of that.

I think also girls who are less confident, or way too confident, have a certain look in their eye.

And men do too. I can typically tell a gentlemen by the expression on his face and the way he conducts himself around me just in the first time we meet.

Which also suggests that if women are getting a creepy vibe from a man, they need to act on it immediately.

And if they can’t protect themselves, they need to ask for help.

But, they do have responsibility. And also, if they’re job is more important to them than their safety and purity, as this show episode also suggested, then that is a problem.

In that scenario, they are choosing to keep exposing themselves to these advances.

It is no excuse to the men even if that’s the case, the issue should never have to come up at all.

But my point is, we need to make sure we aren’t inviting it either. Think how many female celebrities post provocative pictures of themselves online, or take movie roles that involve doing stuff, they need to realize what they are telling the world.

Anyway, this ran long, so I’m ending it here. Until next time–Natasha.

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