Seven down, seven up.

Down but not out, they say.

I’ve been down. I’ve had a terrible migraine for two days, I think I’m coming off it finally, but it’s awful.

It’s funny how you can question everything about your life when you’re in pain. Real pain. Physical or emotional. But I prefer emotional, as weird as that sounds. When my pain is interior, I feel I can cope with it better. I feel I know my soul better and know how to fix it.

In reality, I probably know less about my soul than I do about my body. Even though my soul is me, as it were. How well do I even know me?

I need help just to understand what’s causing a pain in the part of me that can be tested and diagnosed. What about the part of me that can’t?

I have a strong suspicion I am not alone in this. I think it’s true of all or most of us that we prefer so remedy our physical suffering before our spiritual suffering. I just read that in “Anne’s House of Dreams.” (I highly recommend reading all 8 books of the Anne of Green Gables series, they all are unique experiences.)

Physical suffering has the odd quality of making you both crosser with people in your life, and more lonely. I’ve spent the day lying around, unable to really put my mind to anything, and I started craving companionship. Just having someone in the same room was a sort of relief.

Yet it’s so easy to bite someone’s head off when you’re sick, and justify it. It’s still wrong, but we all feel that when you’re suffering, it’s harder to bear annoyances.

And if I even get started on how bodily suffering affects our faith. Aiy!

I’ve read somewhere that there never was a philosopher yet who could endure a toothache patiently.

When you’re in pain, you realize what you really cling to in life.

I’m not saying all pain has that effect. Often I think we just accept our pain as normal, and become indifferent to its effects.

I am far from adept when it comes to dealing with pain and suffering. To me it becomes an emotional struggle as well as a physical one.

I think a lot of how people with cancer or other more long lasting disorders or diseases bear them so patiently, and continue to live life as much as they can. What have they got that I haven’t got?

Maybe know their time is short makes it more precious for them, and they fight harder for the good moments in life.

We squander a lot because we can.

I notice that feelings of despair, or a resolve to be a better person or to spend my time more wisely last only as long as I’m in pain. Once it passes I go back to doing as I like, because I can.

Yet I do appreciate being able to do things like make dinner and drive a bit more, simply because I can.It’s a gift to not be in constant pain.

Not that I think that should be the norm by any means. But in this world where it is so often the case, we have to count ourselves lucky when we’re healthy. Especially those of us who don’t have to work at it. (Young folks mostly.)

So, while my good feelings last, I try to be more cheerful. The Bible says the righteous man may fall seven times, but he will rise again. (Proverbs 24:16.)

Which basically means that the righteous will bounce back, that’s what makes them righteous. Goodness takes perseverance more than anything else. Which we all suck at until we’ve been put through the wringer several times and had to stick it out.

Those are my thoughts for now, until next time–Natasha.


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