(Don’t) Hit on me.

No this is not about how I hate men and don’t want to ever date.

This is about how some things aren’t so simple as they used to be.

Today for the second time I had some random guy come up to me out of nowhere and say “hi, how ya doing?” The first time I was sitting down during my lunch period and minding my own business, reading up on my English homework I believe. This time I was walking away form my campus’es learning center and some guy walking behind me just addressed me with no warning.

My sister pointed out, may be he was trying to be nice, or maybe it was a dare. My theory was he’s not American and somebody told him that in America you say hello to random people. (Both times the people were Asian and my college has many international students, so this could be a fair guess.)

That’s best case scenario.

I can tell you as a single woman at a secular college where we get warned about walking alone anywhere, three things are going through my head when a man I don’t know asks  me how I’m doing.

A. Are you hitting on me?

B. That’s kind of creepy.

C. Why are you talking to me? Do I look familiar?

Hey, I could just be overly suspicious of people…but I doubt it.

In a small town, or in the same neighborhood, this might not be weird. Also, if you said it in a friendly tone. This guy just kind of said it like he was forcing himself to say it. Then he must’ve chickened out because without another word he turned and walked into a different building, and I stared after him in bewilderment. (Perhaps the fact that I responded with an awkward wave and a baffled expression helped.)

Plus, I am taking a self-defense course, so the other thing running through my mind it: Do I have to use it?

Now, we young collegiates, we can be kind of cocky. We might want to get in a street fight just to show we could handle it. There are both good and bad reasons for feeling that way. I think part of it is to have the assurance that we can handle it. That’s what most of us crave, validation.

But I hear older men brag about how they could kick someone’s rear end too (not that they use that term.) I myself like to say how I would physically react to certain behaviors.

I guess I am a more aggressive person. Even though I admire Gandhi for what he did and his strength of character, I have never believe in non violence.

I was watching this comedian yesterday and he said you’ll change your mind about fighting after you’ve seen it.

I say, only if you’re an only child or you had a sibling who wouldn’t fight you. Or parents who wouldn’t let you fight.

I don’t believe violence is always the answer. But as a Christian I notice the Bible has no problem endorsing it when the situation calls for it. It also condemns attacking innocent people and shedding blood when it is unnecessary.

The Bible is pretty hard on women who refuse to try to get help if someone tries to rape them. In the Old Testament, if you were raped in town and did not scream, you were considered guilty of sexual sin. If you were out in the country, you were off the hook because if you did scream no one heard you.

Now I know that someone can be raped and scream and no one might help them, the Bible knows that too. The people were always supposed to come before God and the priest so those fine details could be sorted out. But the Biblical principle is clear. If you let someone violate you, you share the responsibility.

There’s many reasons a woman might not be able to scream or do anything, but the message is if she could resist, she should. And if you can defend yourself, clearly that’s your job.

I think it’s a big problem to tell kids all violence is wrong and unjustified. If a parent thinks they can prevent their kids form doing violence, if the kid has a mind to, they are delusional. And if they think their children will be safe without some ability to defend themselves, in this day and age, that’s getting to be delusional also

Boys especially, but girls also, they will use force. If you deny that’s part of the way the world works, you’re living in a bubble.

Violence is not something to use all the time. The Bible also makes it clear that violence in war is acceptable because it it necessary. Good men don’t start wars, but if evil men do so, it would be evil to surrender to them without a fight.

That’s the stance on it, if you do not resist evil when it threatens anyone but you, you are part of the problem. We are told not to resist an evil man when he abuses us (within the correct context) and to turn the other cheek. But that is when only ourselves are at risk. Or a group of people who share our convictions and will accept the same fate.

Jesus himself resisted evil and evil men, but not through doing evil or even violence. he resisted them in words, and deeds that were contrary to what they taught.

Basically the rule is: do what is right and merciful, and if it’s in line with the law of tha land, then submit to that law. If doing right becomes illegal, you still have to do it.

My encounter today didn’t end up being threatening, and I hope I don’t have to go through that. And there’s a time and a place to resist, and a time and a place to not. But I see no shame is having to knowledge and ability to defend myself to the best of my strength. Beyond that, there’s not much I can do.

It’s sad to me that women have to consider this no matter where they go. And that men have to be so careful how they act, even if they have the best of intentions, women are never certain at first. I don’t like that the world is like this, but I have to be ready for it.

Until next time–Natasha. download

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