I went to my first College party and it was fricked up!

Hello fahm, it’s been a hot minute.

Boy do I have a story to tell all of you though.

Last week this Christian went to her first college party (at least it was basically a college party) with my dance classmates.

Wow…

Yeah…

When I arrived on the scene, all 3 of the guys I knew were already high or slightly inebreiated.

The one girl I knew came high, apparently, but she’s they type you can’t really notice it with, so she was acting pretty normal, just tired and lethargic.

On top of that, the guys were all flirting with us big time.

Well, two of hem are pretty socially awkward, so they didn’t have the best game, the other really has player, f—-boy vives, if you kow what I mean.

You maybe be wondering why I bothered to do to this thing at all, if you’re read my posts at all, you know it’s not really my scene.

I definely wourld recomemen that any Christain who can’t hande peer pressure does not go to one ofthese.

I was asked when I would start drinking at least 4 or 5 times by the same three people, because they apparently had short memories while under the influence…or they were just being annoying.

I’ve never been one to cave into peer pressure, and I wasn’t going to start at a party of total strangers, and people I barely knew, just because I’m legal, thanks. I also drove myself there, which I told them.

I decided to go only to be polite and to not step on the olive branch with people. I’ve been given the sheltered Christian is a snob treatment before in highschool and middle-school and even at college, and I’m sick of people thinking I can’t handle this kind of crap, and that’s why I don’t go.

I’m teling you if I had 10 bucks for every time some idiot has found out I’m a Chrisitan and said soemting along the liens of:

“Oh I don’t think she’s ever heard cussing before.”

[You should have met my dad, girl.]

“You probably don’t know what — is…”

[I’m homeschooled and I watch YouTube, wanna bet?]

“You don’t like gay people right.”

[Personally? I don’t care. Morally, it’s a long story.]

“You should broaden your horizons.”

[Broaden yours first.]

So yeah, I’ve developed a bit of a snarky approach to this over the years.

I mean, Jesus ate with tax collectors, which would be like lawyers or drug lords in the eyes of their public, and harlots, which would be like the LGBTQ and drug community was viewed not that many years ago before Hollywood popularized it, so I think Christians are well within our rights to hang out with worldly people if we feel called to do so.

The apostlate taught us to be “in the world but not of it.”

Paul even said: “I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.

What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”’ [1 Corinthians 5:9-13]

So yeah, non Christians always give people like me crap for being exclusive, but any Christ who actually studied their bible knows better than to think that, usually. the ones I’ve been around most of my life don’t subscribe to the exclusivity line.

All that said, going to wild parties is probably not a wise practice.

If it had been too crazy, I would have left right off, but as it was mostly just people doing those things, but not pushing it on other or getting really out there (yet anyway) I decided it was okay, for a short time.

I wouldn’t be going to a rave or an orgy or something like that just to show I could.

Paul said “All things are permissible to me, but not all things are helpful.”

Everything Is Permissible But Not Everything Is Beneficial

If you can keep yourself pure as a Christians, you can do almost anything, short of blatantly forbidden sin. But not all things promote godliness.

Christian can drink alcohol, despite what many say, it’s even suggest to do so by the Bible for illnesses purposes.

But for many Christian with checkered pasts, it’s not a good idea to touch anything that reminds them of that. So they stay off of it.

That choice becomes a trend, and you get denominations that support it, like Baptists.

I have nothing against Baptists, personally, they are often very strong in the word, well founded people.

But I do have an issue with them judging Christian who do not feel it’s necessary to abstain from drinking, (usually Catholics, but some Charismatic denominations also think it’s okay), and say they are unbiblical.

It’s simply not, sorry. Jesus change water into wine.

I know I’ll get hate for saying that if someone who disagree reads it, but I think the Word also cautions us again making something into a sin if it’s not a sin, because it leads to problems like pride and dischord in the church. I’m not willing to make a huge issue out of a fellow believer getting a few drinks once in a while.

But that doesn’t mean I just think we who should all get smashed whenever we want.

I don’t know if anyone cares about my opinion as a laywoman, but assuming you click on this post because you do, he’re my hot take on the use of drugs and alcohol in Christian life.

  1. Drugs are different.

The Bible identifies drugs as a form of witchcraft, one of the greek words for sorcery include drugs and potions. Because they cause hallucinations and mood change and addiction, much more easily than wine or alcohol do. And are more damaging to your body.

People disagree about what is what. But I know that Christian who’ve gotten off even pot, which many consider hardly even a real drug, and saw spiritual effects even from that. And anything stronger then that is a no brainer really.

Drugs are supposed to be completely off the table for Christians, anything to do with witchcraft is.

2. Alcohol.

In proverbs, the writer spends a bit of time talking about drinking. Warning against being a drunkard (alcoholic) and a fool.

Later her writes that his mother cautioned him not be drunk, but to be sober, as king. That wine if for a troubled man to forget his troubles. [Proverbs 31: 4-7]

In other places, the Bible says not to be drunk with wine, or tempted by it in an unhealthy way.

But Jesus drank wine, and even commanded us to do it as part of communication. Noah drank wine. Paul tells Timothy to drink a little wine for his stomach. Maybe Timothy was having doubts about it being okay also, and Paul was reassuring him.

Throughout history, wine and other alcohol was about the only way to clean really strong bacteria, or aid in sickness as a pain reliever or cleanser. It has some nutrients that are good for you also.

It also could clean water in areas where water couldn’t be relied upon to be clean.

The Word says God gave man wine to make his heart glad. [Psalms 104:15]

All this to say, the Bible doesn’t condemn the use of wine, but it does condemn the abuse of it.

A few drinks at a party, not a huge deal.

Getting black out drunk and making unwise decisions, or realizing on alcohol to make you happy or functional, that is a huge deal.

Or, in my case, drinking when you know you’ll have to drive, and while you’re around guys who already acting kind of sus, is just idiotic.

I’m not a victim blamer, but any woman who does that and gets harassed…well, it’s wrong that they did it, but with all due respect, what did you think they were going to do if they already seemed sleezy and you left yourself wide open.

I won’t judge anyone for being taken in if a guy is really good at acting, but if he’s a dip from the start and you made yourself vulnerable…I just think you have to take some responsibility for what happens.

I know it’s taboo to say that now, but I wouldn’t hand a gun to a murderer in a rage either, guys.

I was talking to a guy at my church the following morning about being in that position, and he was telling me he’s often the same around his friends, the designated driver, and they smoke pot and drink while he’s around, but he doesn’t really mind being the odd one out, they don’t really care, I guess.

It can be awkward.

But in a way, you also can be a witness in your actions.

Some might say that you’re just condoning that behavior.

Well, in my experience, most non-Christians at least know that Christian do not condone drugs and assume that offering them to you is pointless. While I was offered alcohol, no one offered my pot, thank goodness, I hate the smell of weed.

The alcohol thing might depend on whether they know any Catholics, who are more famous for allowing alcohol. A lot of people I know assume Catholics and Protestants are the same, I’ve had to explain the difference multiple times.

So the drinking thing can be hit and miss. I usually just explain honestly that while I don’t condemn it at all times, I drive myself almost everywhere, and I need to be smart.

Also I have alcoholism and addicts on both sides of my family, and I don’t need to push my luck that I might have that gene. If I ever do try that stuff, I want it to be around people who will make sure I am safe and wouldn’t spike my drink or push more on me.

So when it comes to condoning it, most people , at least who are my age, already know we don’t. They might think you’re a hypocrite, but I was quite clear abut my standards, so I doubt it.

In fact, what did happen was my female friend who was there and knew I was sober, asked if I’d take her home, even if it meant leaving early, since her mom didn’t want to drive her.

[Her mom was an idiot to drop her off there at all with a bunch of strangers when she was already buzzed, but I guess that’s just how some parents are.]

One of the guys, probably the nicest one, heard her ask me and asked if I was gonna, and I said yes, I’d rather it be me than a stranger at the party.

He said “You’re a good person.”

I thought, “I think it’s just decent, she’s on my way anyway, and not feeling too good.”

I said “It wouldn’t be the first time.”

I’ve never taken someone home from a wild party, but I’ve driven a classmate to the doctor for an injury and taken a lot of girls home from church or picked them up. So it’s something I try to do when I can. Makes it easier for them if their parent can’t bring them and they want to participate. Id’re that them be at crush than out doing other stuff, which I know a lot of the kids who come to church but aren’t really christian spend their time doing if they aren’t at our events.

And as the girl who grew up not going out to a lot of events because my mom didn’t like going out, I feel bad for people who miss out just because no one will take them.

I know this girl too, and she’s been through a lot of crap, so I wasn’t sure leaving her with guys who were already in super clingy, and any amount of other guys who I knew nothing about, one of of whom was casually tossing a knife in the air most of the time I was there, was smart.

Yes, you read that right, a knife. 🔪

In a way, my presence might have protected her from anything worse in the first place, as one guy was putting an arm around her, but kept looking at me like “whacha gonna do about it?”

I dint say anything, but I was right there, with pepperspray in my purse, though he didn’t know that. No way was I going to this without something.

I don’t bash on men but…some guys are just…so disgusting…

Some girls are too, I’ve actually seen that behavior from plenty of girls, even at Church events, so I’m not sexist about it. I’ve know very polite men, and very skeezy ones. Who hasn’t?

But this bunch of them really were walking stereotypes, you’d almost not believe anyone could be that predictably cliche. Do frickboys think it’s cool to act like this? I don’t know.

Well, basically I had one Mansplainer, one r/nice guy, and one frick boy. It was like a show roster was filled or something.

I could handle the Mansplainer and r/nice guy, just reminded me of my dad really, but the frickboy was too tall and muscular for me to feel 100% confident about taking him if he was aggressive, luckily he stopped just short of that, but let me know, like he was trying to be bad, that he was holding back.

So, I’ve told you the learning part of the experience for me, and why I was glad I came if only for the sake of my girl friend.

But just to leave you all with something funny, want to hear the cheap crap they tried on me in order to…I don’t know I think they were trying to see me flinch, but it was more amusing than scary:

So Frickboy is still trying to sound edgy, but the edgiest this guy really is is college frat playboy geek who might be a harasser if you were drunk enough, but probably is too chicken to try anything if you’re fully late.

But he thinks he’s so cool, you know.

And he starts in, I kid you not, on how bad and wild his family is, and he uses, I’m dead serious, the Disney character Maleficent as an example.

Yeah cause when I think dark and freaky I go to Disney villains, immediately…not the myriad of other crap out there that’s way worse. Though I do dislike that Malificent movie.

Basically this genius’es take on it is that Aurora’s parents were trying to keep the bad stuff out of her life, by not letting Maleficent be around her, but that just made her naive.

And ou hv t let the darkens sin to your life so you understand it.

Well, I, being my fiery, and fully over it self, wasn’t just going to take that from this wannabe edge lord.

I literally shook my finger in a sassy manner and said something like “Boy, you dont know the kind of stuff I’ve seen!”

And of course he and the other idiot were like “Tell us!”

But, you see, the kind of stuff I’d seen would probably traumatize these guys if they experience it, I know it traumatized me for years, until God healed me.

And I have a feeling they would have thought I was either crazy, or else being way too intense.

And I could destroy them either way.

So, I wasn’t going to take that bait. For their own good, I don’t mind talking about it to people who can handle it, but my bet is these posers couldn’t.

Anyone who uses a Disney villain as metaphor for evil to the “sheltered” Christian girl is not ready to face real evil, if you ask me.

And of course you may be thinking “What the heck is she talking about?”

I don’t think I should share all of it here, for the same reason. not everyone is ready to hear stuff.

But a lot of people have witnessed the supernatural up close, like I have.

I’ll try to put this in a not too weird way without mincing matters:

In a nutshell, my dad had a stepmother who was a witch for many years, she later became a Christian and one of the nicest ladies I’ve known.

My dad also was in a cult for 2 years, and suffered the after effects of it for all his life up to this point, as far as I know.

I both few up hearing stories I was not ready to hear from him, and then witnessing the effects of it firsthand.

On top of that I went to church for several years where seeing that kind of thing was literally a weekly occurrence for a long time.

My dad let plenty of bad influences into my life via movies and people who should not have been hanging around us girls, though nothing really ever happen to us, but we saw and hear things.

And outside that, I have cousins who clan to worship the devil, and do drugs, and think having a seance is something to joke about.

And I have many friends who’ve encountered the occult, in numerous ways that would shock the lucky people who have not had that experience.

I really think anyone who thinks this stuff is imaginary has not talked to enough people about it, you can’t make this crap up.

I don’t think I need to go into the details for you to get the picture.

And even if it was imaginary, the idea alone is pretty horrifying and torments many people, and I’ve talked to them about it. Been on the phone with people who are panicking because of it, and done many a prayer intervention to help with it, once with a deaf guy of all things where I did in ASL.

And that’s just my firsthand experience. I’ve read and heard plenty more.

Take all that, and picture me, a veteran in this area, listen to some 20 some twat who’s probably done drugs and voodoo or some crap like that, tell me I should understand darkness better.

Create meme "APR (APR , facepalm , face palm )" - Pictures - Meme -arsenal.com

I almost laughed in his face. I understand it, boy, you just have no idea what it does to people who aren’t just playing with it like you are.

And as a believer, I make no bones about that. Sorry if someone reading this has a problem with me calling it what it is, but the occult is a foolish thing to play with, there is always a price. Usually depression and anxiety is the fist thing you have, health problem usually follow.

I don’t want to dwell on it, just thinking about it is creepy and I dont like to give the devil too much attention.

And I’m no one of those Christian who rebukes the devil every time I have a problem, and assumes that demons are responsible for everything. Or that all magic in stories is evil. I love Narnia, and other old classics.

I care about symbolism usually. Magic can be used to depict divine things, but our culture has taken to glorifying it because it’s dark, and because it’s evil, and sexualizing it.

It’s all nonsense, People who actually are terrorized by this stuff don’t like it.

Anyway, so yeah, I got a lot of entertainment out of seeing these scrubs trying to frighten me, like they thought I wouldn’t know what they were at. Once you’ve read The Cross and the Switchblade, not a lot fazes you anymore, I can tell you.

But I also pity them.

I’m reminded of how empty the live of my generation can be. We’re expected to be like this. And many of us are foolish enough to get led astray by it.

Sadly, these three guys aren’t even I’d say all that bad for what they are. There’s worse out there. It’s also sad how much they remind me of guys at church that I know.

Wannabe edgy, but really just insecure.

I know it’s tempting to show off how edgy we can be. As a Christian woman who’s been told one too many times by more uptight believers that I shouldn’t like what I like, I don’t like to be put in that same box.

But I also know as a member of the body, I’m called on to be considerate of my brothers and sisters who have more sensitive consciences. I get it. I once did too. And I dont care if they don’t like that stuff, as long as they step off of me, if it’s not forbidden, then I’m going to have to work it out with God, not you.

If I am doing something that is forbidden, please tell me.

One problem though, before I end, I do have to admit.

Things like sexual content, and occultic content started bothering me a lot less when I read more stuff and watched more that allowed for it. It was no longer shocking.

Usually it just take reorienting myself through the Word or a good message to snap out of it, but if I go without that too long, I get dulled to it.

In some ways, I can’t avoid exposure to all that. I’d see it even if I didn’t want to.

But there are things I can’t control it’s tempting to let them slide.

It hasn’t made me engage in sexual or occultic activity, but it has made it seem less of a problem.

While it’s good that I am fazed less by people who do those things, the idea of the things themselves should still be grotesque to me.

It is if I really think about it, but the trick of media is to get you to see something in semi positive light, until you no longer feel triggered by it, and then to get you to either do it, or at least laugh at it and be too uncertain to tell anyone else the truth about it.

Again, all things are permissible, but not all things are helpful, or edifying.

I think I’ll leave it at that.

Until next time, stay honest, and don’t do drugs–Natasha

Enemies to Lovers and Crackshipping

Hey, it’s been awhile. I know, I’m sorry, I was writing other stuff.

I decided to do another fandom post, why not?

Let’s talk about crack ships.

I’ve been on Wattpad a lot lately (uploading fan fiction) and I discovered that peopel acutally write whole fics that are just analyzing ships…and people actually read that.

Okay, to be honest, I read it too, but I thought I was the only one who cared why people ship things. Like, I like discussing pros and cons, but from what I see in fandoms it usually is just “It’s cute and sexy so I ship.”

I never ship stuff based off that alone, usually. But I enjoy cute and sexy as much at the next girl, I suppose.

(my version of sexy is probably pretty homeschooled, though.)

Anyway, in the mha fandom there’s been a ship since last year or so that’s gotten a following for being a crack ship, and it got me thinking why do people ship crack ships?

I always thought it was sexual addiction, honestly. I mean, I’ve shipped a crack ship maybe once or twice because of a fan fic I wrote where it kind of made sense, but I don’t take it seriously outside of that. So I never got it.

And I was a little judgy about it, to be honest.

But I really don’t care if people ship Jack Frost x Elsa, or whatever, if they want to do that. The crack ships I find disturbing are the ones between adults and kids, or siblings, or other inappropriate people.

You can ship whatever you want if it’s not creepy, I think, but don’t make it creepy, guys…

So the ship that got my attention on all of this was DustBunny, or ShigarakiXMirko.

I never heard of it till I clicked on this one video on YT, and I thought “this cannot be a thing…what?”

But then I watched it and it was funny, and I thought “okay, I see why people think it’s funny, but is are they serious?

And a lot of fans think shippers are crack heads, especially crack shippers, kind of goes with the name…

I’m here to say you all should just screw off if you’re going to seriously think that shipping is weirder than the stats arguments you other nerds get into over shows and movies and books.

I mean critisize me for shipping if you think it’s bizarre, but don’t act like it’s weirder than what the “intellectual” fans do, for crying out loud. I can’t stand hypocrisy.

Anyway, I’m not trying to start a fight, just saying people should stop acting like it’s better to be a weird fan for one thing than for another, it’s all the same, isn’t it?

Except people who consume content just to get sexual pleasure out of it…that’s weird.

Anyway, why should any of you care?

I assume you like ships if you’re reading this, so let’s ignore that part.

Is it worth it to analyze a crack ship, that’s the question I want to answer.

[I’m also going to talk about why this particular kind of Crack Ship is so popular, and why I think it matters in the second half of this post, so read to the end if you want the deep stuff.]

Firstly, I think it depends on what you mean by worth it.

Will it make it more likely to happen? No.

We all know crack ships will probably never happen, ever.

But is it worth it to ask why people like it? Sure.

There’s always people who are in it just for the sexual content, but there’s always some people who actually put real thought into it.

And if you can’t judge humanity by the person, I think you can’t judge shippers by them either.

I mean romance is something most people want, so why let the perverts out there stop you from appreciating it, that’s my attitude.

And whie you don’t have to ship Dustbunny to understand what I’m saying, I’m going to use it to illustrate what I mean:

First of all, a crack shp has to be between people who it doesn’t make a whole lot of canon sense for them to be together.

The reason is that it strongly appeals to some people to change canon.

Some are just perves, again, but for the more serious cases, I notice a trend.

Crack ships tend to pop up around characters people think are lacking something. Whether it’s that they are lonely, or perhaps morally bankrupt, or too arrogant, people use a ship as a vehicle to imagine character development within.

And whether the two halves of the ship even know each other is not really the point. The person is picked base on the trait the shipper thinks will help the other person the most.

Case in pont: In MHA, Shigakria and Mirko have never met…and may never meet, quite frankly.

But that just makes it better for a crackshipper, because there are no limitations that way.

They won’t look at facts, the look at possibilities.

I call it “what if” scenarios, (and that was before I found out that was a kind of fan fiction, btw)

And you may ask “if it’s not going to happen, then who cares?”

My answer to that is: You can’t go through life thinking of what seems like it’s possible, and expect to ever exceed very mediocre expectations.

I mean, everything looks impossible and unlikely to us until it happens. When you were a kid, driving a car, tying your shoe, or riding a bike seemed like it would never happen. It was a whole new world of rules and skills you did not have. When you didn’t know how to read, reading seemed out of reach. Books were a thing you didn’t get.

Then you learn those skills, and you can’t imagine not being able to do it anymore. When you really learn something it’s hard to forget it.

It’s called expanding our horizons.

Stranger things have happened in real life than it would take to make most crack ships happen, if you chose to take that route.

2. The second objection that might be made is that ships like this are creepy and weird, not becuase of age gaps or being related, but because they are built on nothing and are often between characters on opposite sides of the good-evil conflict.

That’s more likely because if they were on the same side, chances are they would interact, and it wouldn’t be 100% a crack ship then, there would be come canon material for it.

So a hero-vilia ship is usually a crack ship, I’ve seen a few canon ones from time to time. I actually usually enjoy them. You can’t beat stakes like that.

But mostly, it’s crack.

Sometimes they are creepy, I’ll give you that. And it’s probably always going to be weird.

But there are some objections I think miss the point.

One being: He or she is a villain.

Duh, that why people are shipping it, for the redemption arc part (more on that later)

Two: There’s a slight age gap.

An age gap of 5 years or so is not worth making a fuss over. Maybe after 8-10 years you could question it, but I think it’s only creepy if it’s between an adult than teenager/kid.

People will throw the age thing in there when it really shouldn’t mattter. Only dating people who are with 1 or 2 years of you is going to be pretty limiting, especially since people are at such different levels of maturity at any given age. I’m more mature at 22 than most of my older family members three times my age are. If I let age be the only factor I’d be in a tight spot.

Crack ships do often have bad age gaps though, but as I said those are the ones I do think are wrong.

The ones that are small, and that the only reason people are objecting…I just don’t get it. Pick a real reason, man.

Back to the moral question:

I think me and some other people wonder if it’s really okay to ship heroes and villains.

I mean, my whole objection to ship  Toga from MHA with anyone, hero or villain, is that she’s psychotic, kills whoever she likes, and shipping her with anyone is kind of like saying you want them to die. (Which makes me wonder if all the people who ship her with Bakugo have ulterior motives.)

I don’t find it cute, sorry.

I think that’s one other objection that is valid.

People contemplate that crack ships ignore very important parts of the characters. Like that they are killers, or abusive.

Sadly, canon ships also do that, as Naruto proves…but yes, fans do it more.

It’s very true. Toga is one example. But you could name a bunch more if you’ve been in any fandom for a certain length of time.

And I don’t support that. I think if to ship someone, you have to ignore part of who they are, a big part, because it’s just too repulsive otherwise, then you cannot ship them. Unless you intend to rewrite the character entirely.

But then…it’s not really them anymore.

When I was younger and less mature I used to think that approach made sense, but now I don’t. If I have to change a character to like them, I just should like them. I can be mature enough to admit that.

Like, could I like Toga if I ignored her psychotic tenacies? Sure…probably, I’m not immune to the weird cute act the author pushes with her (why doe anime do that?).

But I refuse to overlook part of character in order to like it. She may be cute-ish, but she’s psycho, and not in a joking way, in a legitimately will murder you type of way. That’s not okay with me. If I wouldn’t ship it in real life I won’t ship it in a show either.

But I don’t think Dustbunny and other ships like it are on the same playing field.

You have to look at the characters involved. Shigaraki is not like Toga. He’s crazy…ish. But we also have signs that he can be more human, self controlled, and mature than she’s ever going to be.

And then if you are caught up on his backstory, you have a reason to think he was not naturally the way he is. All For One has trained him to be sick and twisted. But if you can be trained one way, you can be trained another.

I was watching one video and some idiot commenter was saying that Shigaraki justifies his actions because of his trauma, which is just not okay, because characters who have it just as bad as him are still good.

And I thought “When has Shigaraki ever justified anything he does because of trauma?” I can’t name a time. He claims he has the right to do it, because AFO taught him that, but he never says it’s good, or that it’s okay because of what happened to him. He does not really seem to think about what happened to him as unfair, he thinks he is just made to destroy (again, thanks to AFO).

Seriously, do we even watch the same show. Dabi justifies his actions because of his past, so does Twice, so does Spinner. All a bunch of victims, really. But Shigaraki doesn’t. He is brainwashed into thinking he should destroy by his ever helpful and despicable master. Talk about blaming the victim.

Unlike Toga, who actively seeks out twisted things as part of her whole schtick about doing what she wants.

Shigaraki is always referring to AFO teaching him to be this way, like he knows he didn’t come up with it himself.

That give the redemption arc fan a hope he might be made to see it’s all a lie.

Not much of a hope, perhaps. but there is some.

(And for the record, I’m still saying it’s going to happen, though not because of this ship, but I think if I’m trope savvy, that’s what’s coming. )

I guess this is kind of a hot take on Shigaraki’s character, as well as the ship.

The reason I need to talk about both is because people object to the ship because they think he’s a schmuck who cannot be redeemed.

And that’s hypocritical, because most people who complain about that will ship other stuff if they like it, regardless of how bad the person is, but whatever.

If that was true, I’d agree, it’s useless to ship. It’s like shipping Emperor Palpatine with someone, I’m sure people do, but decent people don’t talk about it.

But I actually like ships for villains who are more victims of other villains, because the ship is sort of a vehicle to introduce the idea of happiness to them. Something they would fight for, something they might defy their programming for.

I mean if you won’t do it for love, what will you change for?

I was watching a video about the enemies to lovers trope earlier today that basically summed up how I think of it.

It’s hard to reform villains in a way that makes sense in story. Either you do what Avatar did, and humble them through hardship and the truth about their past, but that is not going to work for every villain, obviously, if they already know their past and are evil because of that.

Your other option is for the villain to start to care about something.

(We’re gong to ignore the Naturo/shonen anime standard of beating them into submission and then they somehow have a change of heart. That never works irl.)

What would the villain carea bout?

Maybe there’s a vague good concept you could try, but most often, it has to be another person. What else can get past our defenses?

It can be their son or father, like in Star Wars, but family is always a gamble at the motivation for reforming. It might work, but then, if they cared about their family at all, why would they be evil?

MHA did this with Endeavor, but Endeavor also change because he realized getting what he wanted was not really what he wanted, and he didn’t get it the way he had wanted it anyway. That humbles him, and he starts looking to be a good dad as an alternative goal to outdoing All Might.

Very well done, but rare in real life. I would know.

So, what many authors do is use a romantic love interest. The reasons are simple.

A: Romantic feelings are some of the most powerful ones we experience, they can make people do both good and bad things, crazy things, or beautiful things, depending on what kind of person you are.

B: A Love interest is usually someone new, someone the villain cannot already resent the same way they would old friends or family. Someone who can surprise them and defy expectations.

Most redemption arcs turn on the idea of “new”

I mean, it’s biblical isn’t it? A new life, a new heart, a new spirit, that’s what we’re told. A new beginning.

You need the “new” Much more than the old to redeem someone, both in real life and in fiction.

Because it’s “new” You always run the risk of people rejecting it, but if they can accept it, that’s where real change comes in.

And that is why Enemies to Lovers is so popular. It allows both people to become new, and do new things, have new feelings. But still be themselves.

And, what no one talks about, but I think we should, it’s also most of the Bible, if not all of it.

God’s dialogues with the people of Israel, Judah, and then the Church, all read like they’re describing an enemies to lovers ship between a hero and villain.

God leaments the poor decisions His people make, and gets angry at them, but then He promises they will become new, and He would love them and heal them if they just come back to him.

We all crave that in the enemies to lovers story, and any other romance story.

Gd compares his relationship with us to a marriage for a reason.

Marriage captures something about God and us that no other relationshp can.

Friendship relies on the idea of being equal to each other.

Parent/child, relies on the idea of being unequal but still loving and giving to each other, even knowing it will never be an equivalent exchange.

But the idea of lovers is more than that.

Romance doesn’t even ask if you are equals (unless you want to kill it), it doesn’t ask who’s giving more. At the peak of romantic feelings, both people only care about seeing and drinking in the other person.

And so, it makes sense that for God, the absolute climax and epitome of closeness to us is where we’ve forgotten who’s more powerful, and who’s able to give more. We give all of ourselves, and God gives all Of Himself, and who cares which is more, none of us will think of it anymore. God never seems to think of it at all except to teach us humility.

The pinnacle of Love is to stop caring about measuring or defining it by anything, and to just do it, be it, really.

I now, a lot of us can’t imagine that. I’ts pretty much a forgotten idea, but I still find traces of it sometimes even in modern stories.

Now, a fiction trope can not begin to encomapps taht, but I would defend the Enemies to Lovers trope at one of the few that can even get a taste of it.

Relating all this back to Dustbunny, I won’t claim it’s quite what I’m talking about.

But my goal was to defend the legitimacy of shipping these kinds of ships. Even if it’s mostly for fun, we need the idea that people an be redeemed, especially by love, to stay alive.

I’m actually kind of concerned by how hard people find it to understand this simple idea, we want redemption.

We’re made to want it, and people who hate on fans who vie for it are…well, kind of pathetic. And it’s almost inhuman.

Hate on a ship for any other reason, but hating it because it requires redemption to work…I mean, do you know any healthy couples in real life?

The truth is, peeps, there is going to be an element of enemies to lovers in every real relationship you ever have. We are all the villain sometimes, and we can hope, we are all also the hero. I’ve been both, you have too.

And if we cannot, even in concept, agree with the idea that we will need redemption, and that it will come because of love, I don’t think we should be in a relationship at all.

If you cannot admit your’e the villain sometimes, but also rise up to being the hero, you are not ready for love. Even the more family affection type of love has elements like that in it. And deeper friendships do too, but superficial ones don’t.

That’s where it is people.

My opinion is, if you hate on enemies to lovers for the sole reason it’s that, you have issues, and are probably a narcissist. We all have to change, we all have to transform. Especially in marriage.

Someone else said that the beauty of Enemies to Lovers is that is is someone seeing all the worse parts of you first, and still being able to fall in love with you. We all hope to have enough good in s for someone to love us even if they see our bad.

I think that is so true.

And hot…just saying.

But even for me, who’s never dated (not for lack of wishing), I can see why it appeals to us.

We’re all insecure. It’s been popularized to just own it and like that you have flaws, but that’s bullcrap. If you like your flaw, it’s not a flaw, is it?

But the more honest among us now that, and we just want someone to look past it.

I was taught from birth on upward that my flaws were too big of an obstacle to love me. That my pain would make it impossible for me to be cared for, and that my boldness would drive everyone away.

I still struggle with believing anything different than that. I’ve met a lot of weak people who refuse to get close to me because of my edges.

I’m not a mean person, no one would tell you that, I just have a lot of fire and at times I may be harsh without knowing it. Working on that. But never with any real intent to be cruel. Some people get that about me, and others refuse to.

I have learned though, that people will back off from whoever they think is tougher than them.

So maybe I like that Enemies to Lovers trope for that reason. It happens in real life, people have attested to it, and I hope that there is someone who will treat me that way.

I like the idea that what repels some people about me would attract someone else, the right person. I just have to find them.

I think also, the loneliness factor is thing. Villains are lonely, so when the trope is hero-villain specifically, we can relate. Heroes can be lonely too.

As Shakespeare pointed out, we are the most like God when we show mercy, and that is what Enemies to Lover is about. having mercy, maybe on ourselves as well as the other person, since often there is a moment where one or both halves of the ship realize they were wrong and did some bad stuff.

It’s about hope, too.

Basically, it’s like God towards us, and I find that beautiful.

the Bible says “love covers a multitude of sins.”

It better, right? Or what would all of us do?

So with that really in depth take on this, I think I’ll end, and I’ll see you all next time–Natasha.

A Narcissistic Culture

I’m back!

Sorry for the absence.

I do have a lot of subjects to write about right now.

I tend to avoid politics on this blog unless something catches my attention, but I’m always thinking about culture.

Something I’ve been thinking about it lately is how in Church, we often go with the flow. We address issues that the world thinks are important, but we neglect the ones they don’t think about.

Not that it’s wrong to address things the world thinks about, I think we have to, in a way.

But also, looking at The Gospels, I find it odd that Jesus didn’t spend all that much time talking about what the world thought was important.

Under Roman Occupation, he didn’t talk much about the Romans. He addressed it from time to time as people asked him, but His long sermons are not about that.

He didn’t talk about te libeiton of the Jews from Romans, but from sin.

And looking around nowadays, I wonder if he’d be any different.

It’s so easy to get distracted by what’s gong on around us.

Things about race, gender, and nationality, it’s all anyone wants to talk about now.

And people are demanding respect and taking pride in these things.

Even christians, too many Christians.

My church, which is one of the better ones I think, still has a little group of LGBT people who attend. I don’t care if they attend, but their attitude about it makes me wonder if they come only because the church does not call out the world on that not being biblical.

I was talking to my cousin and his friend about the Bible’s stance on homosexuality, and why it’s consider wrong, just an open conversion, no hate, and explain it well,

And they didn’t really disagree with my points, or that I don’t like how kids are encouraged to vote on sexual topics they do not really understand yet.

But they admitted that they are afraid to express and negative views of it because the have friends or family who subscribes to it all, and are going to be livid if they disagree.

I acknowledged it’s hard in this culture to think for yourself…it’s always is hard in any culture to go against the flow.

But I told them as a Christian, I can’ just ignore it. I can’t blend in. It’s not allowed.

And that’s how I see it.

Sure, it’d be easier to walk around my liberal campus wearing some pro LGBTQ badge, and deck out my car and say that God loves gay people (which He does, but people use that phrase to mean something totally different, that God loves their lifestyle, and that is just no biblical), and play that game.

People claim it’s so hard to support the community. Are you kidding me? It’s so flipping easy. It’s easier to do that than to have an original thought, that’s for sure.

Instant approval, instant clicks, people commending you for sticking up for it. As well as BLM, and Feminism, and everything else.

Sheesh, to get approval just for saying words, whether you ever act on it or not, is so stupid.

26 For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. 27 Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.

28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; 29 being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, 30 backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful32 who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.” (Romans 1)

I find it disgusting to cater to this. I’d like to get the clicks, view, and likes that the people who do this get, but I’m not willing to bend myself in order to get it. There’s more important things than likes out there, people.

Someday no doubt that’s going to get me cancelled if I’m every popular enough for anyone to care what I think…but oh well, they cancelled all the Apostles too…to the extreme.

It’s getting extreme here too. People are attacking churches more and more. What’s funny is the church’es stance isn’t even that strongly put in the West, but they attack us anyway.

Sheesh.

Islam is actually harsher on homosexuality than Christian is, but I never hear of the LGBTQ community attacking mosques…you know, because Muslims actually might fight back…at least, I assume that’s the reason.

Yeah, so brave. Attack the people who won’t retaliate. But that’s always the way isn’t it.

I’m not here to hate on gay people, I’m just trying to be honest about it all.

And it’s not just gay people, it’s all groups now.

I don’t voice my opinions too loudly at my college because I’m pretty sure I’d lose my grades over it, so I mostly only discuss it out of class. And starting a fight in the middle of a lecture does seem rude.

But I don’t cater to it either.

And it’s all good to preach and teach about how we need to love ourselves and respect ourselves, and not be too harsh…

But when is it time to talk about going against the flow? When do we talk about what no one wants to hear?

Cause I can tell you, the problem with our culture isn’t really all the Pride stuff, that’s just a symptom.

It’s how prideful we are in our personal lives, self seeking, comfort seeking.

We do give lipservice to this in church, but we don’t actually enforce it. We don’t ask people to do more than they feel like doing. We don’t reward people for being strong in their convictions. Instead we think they are too worked up.

Even I think that.

Of course, it is true sometimes. But I’ve gotten reprimanded for protesting that a Youth Leader played songs that talked about sex and making out with the same gender on the way home from a mission trip…yeah….

Am I really the problem in this scenario?

Her excuse? “This is what those kids listen to.”

My thoughts? “This is what you listen to. What’s your point? It was still wrong.”

I can’t tell people what to listen to at home, but on a public trip? With the church?

That was yeas ago now, I don’t think i would happen with our current youth leaders, but that it happened at all was boring, because I knew it wasn’t just this one person, I’ve met so many people like his.

I’ve always gotten a rep for being more vigilant about this stuff, and I’ve had people tell me they were sorry for no having a better attitude about it, but they have never acted like my friends.

And, I’m not a super conservative person. I mean, I watch anime, I read fan fiction, and I listen to songs with cuss words in them…now.

And I don’t like that part, but I decided that I’m not going to be able to avoid cuss words in life, and it doesn’t make the whole song bad if the song is about a good thing, and they use saltier language. But I don’t listen to songs about sex, drugs, and hooking up. I want the message to be good.

I won’t throw out Evanescence because of a few swears, but I won’t listen to “shape of you” just because it has no swearing, sine it’s just about hooking up for a night. You get my point?

And I can’t force that standard on anyone, but I do have it for a reason, and I don’t have an issue telling people that.

This is not even the biggest problem, but my thought is that people would not give up anything they happen to like in the world, even if it was the right thing to do. God may tell me to stop listening to and reading and watching his fault I have prayed about it, and I am careful, though I do need to reevaluate somethings from time to time.

But I do think about it, I don’t get the feeling other people often do, I’ve talked to a few who mentioned it, but don’t mention every dropping something because of it.

I’m trying to be less judgmental than I used to be.

Like when it comes to smut, I believe it’s wrong to read it, but I dont think someone is horrible if they are tempted to. I’m not immune to this stuff either, I have hormones, I’m not dead.

But I have to seriously think about what I want my idea of sex and love to be when I do get married. Do I want to think it’s all about the body? Or do I want it to be about what’s inside, the soul, the mind, the heart?

And I’ll admit, sex can be more than just a physical experience, the Bible is clear about that, but I think smut (porn, you now) kind of makes that worse, not better. People with a porn addiction usually admit that real life sex gets less satisfying if you’ve fed yourself this fake image of it.

Porn and smut are all about making something so flawless it’s no longer real.

And in real life, emotional moment can be awkward even at their most heartfelt, people are damaged, and that gets in the way.

And our bodies are not flawless, even a model has blemishes somewhere.

And we have hygiene and weight issues at different times, or we can get sick. Women have periods, you get my drift? No one is sexy all the time.

If you grow up expecting that, then you aren’t going to be disappointed by sex, because you’ll expect it to be like everything else in life, a thing you do that improve with time, but is not perfect.

But if you grow with the porn version of this, you think sex is somehow unlike other human experiences, it can be flawless.

In the end it sets you up for less, not more pleasure. And that is one reason the Church has never endorsed it.

People think the church discourages sex, and while some churches do, the faith itself doesn’t.

In fact, it encourages it. A lot. Sex with responsibility.

And on that note, I don’t see how recreational sex is a great foundation for a really mature relationship. You treat sex cavalierly, and it’s the only thing that makes marriage different from other relationships. So what make it special to be married then? Might as well just be friends with benefits.

And that about all marriage amounts to now with a lot of couples. I think they are puzzled as to why it’s so unfulfilling.

I’m not saying it never woks out, some people just know how to make it work, but the thing is, marriage used to be something people were expected to figure out, whether it came naturally to them or not, and not it’s seen as a matter of finding the right match to perfectly balance you out.

I think you should date with that in mind, but if you end up marrying someone who doesn’t suit you perfectly, that’ s no reason to throw it out. If you’re not married to a psycho or a pig, you can probably find a way to work stuff out. People just don’t want to be inconvenienced.

And I say that because I’ve had the same experience in friendship. People cannot handle the smallest bit of friction and they bail as soon as conflict happens. I’ve had that happen to me so many times. Because, I’m replaceable, in a world of shallow friendships, and online friendships, if someone annoys you or disagrees with you, why not just dump them?

And if I’m not replaceable, you would never know, because you didn’t get that close to me.

I get it though, I’ve felt the pain for being ditched so many times because I don’t view people that way, and it stings to lose them. I’m working on being okay with that.

But therapy wasn’t the most helpful here because the attitude in therapy is that people are not worth your time if they piss you off.

And that’s kind of a shallow way to look at it.

Someone may piss me off because I have a problem, not them. Or we both do.

Maybe people are worth keeping around.

But you won’t hear that idea anymore in mainstream culture.

It’s not wonder we’re all dying of loneliness, we’re okay with supporting people as long as they are needy, lost lambs, with a victim mentality.

But if someone has a really different perspective, and is just hard to deal with, ditch them.

Perhaps I am annoyed because it doesn’t end well for me, and okay, that’s a fair point.

But I also don’t shut people out of my life just for disagreeing with me, so….

The double standard annoys me, if I was to do that as a Christian I’d be judgmental. But if they are just not “comfortable” round me, that’s their right, they don’t need to get over it.

I have gotten more attention from people when I was upset in front of them, and treated more nicely, than when I’m just my regular, more confident self.

I don’t mind if they comfort me, I just wonder why it goes away after that. I kind of learned the hard way that sympathy doesn’t equal a real bond.

(Something Naruto really needed to learn in Shippunden.)

This is why I think we really have too much attention on ourselves now.

We are narcissistic.

I can be too, but I am aware of it and trying to get better. The point is, the culture encourages me to be self centered, and often the church does too.

We have to be aware of these influences, if we’re going to be better, and set apart.

Or we’ll be like ships on the ocean, “infants tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine.” (Ephesians 4:14)

Doctrine could just mean any popular teaching now.

I think a good question to ask ourselves right now is: How far am I wiling to go to have self-actualization (or whatever you call it)

Am I?…

Willing to sacrifice the happiness of other people?

Willing to cut people out of my life who do not agree with my plan and decision making

Willing to promote it with violence, anger, and verbal attacks?

Willing to make others suffer if it gets me what I “need”

Willing to enforce laws about these things.

Willing to teach others to do the same, and support them even if their lifestyle is no good in other ways.

Willing to listen only to people who support me in this, and never fact check what they are saying.

If you answered yes to any of the above about anything, religion, race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnic background, etc.

Then you are elevating that thing not only to your primary focus, (and that thing is yourself, in some form or another)

Also going to an extremist extent that many Believers would not even go to. I question sources within my religion, and I don’t condone violence done in the name of Jesus. My faith has checks and balances.

But the faith of Self Identity has no checks and balances, because you (Or I) are/am the final word on everything.

But if we all are, then none of us are, you see how that works?

Anyway, most people won’t admit that they are worshiping themselves?

How can I be a narcissist? I’m too smart for that. I’m too self aware. All my complaints are valid, all my actions are justified, all I want is reasonable, all I am is perfect. So I can not be a narcissistic.

And the scary thing is that sound like the lyrics to a popular song or a TED Talk.

Ugh.

Well, anyway, the first step is admitting you have a problem. literally. To stop being a narcissist, you have t admit you’re a narcissist, that’s when you begin to stop being one.

That said, I think I’ll end this for now. more posts coming soon.

Until next time, stay honest–Natasha

One-Time
Monthly
Yearly

Make a one-time donation

Make a monthly donation

Make a yearly donation

Choose an amount

$5.00
$15.00
$100.00
$5.00
$15.00
$100.00
$5.00
$15.00
$100.00

Or enter a custom amount

$

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly

Does Christianity work on me?

Hey fahm.

You know, I never talked like that before I liked Camie’s character in mha, it’s funny how you can change how you talk based on things like that.

Well, I think it’s fun to have more of an accent anyway.

How’s everyone doing? I know I haven’t updated this blog a whole lot lately. I’ve been writing a lot on Wattpad.

But hey, I’m up to 2.3k views on one story, if y’all want to go check that out.

[ https://www.wattpad.com/user/worldwalkerdj ]

I’ve also not had a lot to blog about, other than getting a new kitten (who’s doing great still btw, I wrote more about her here: New Kitten)

But an important milestone happened last month, it’s officially been 2 years since my dad moved out.

WOOOOO!

I cannot believe it’s been that long. Still feels like a few months ago he was here.

And I still can’t believe it was mostly my efforts that made it happen, with some help from my siblings.

It’s so weird. That’s a part I rarely tell people who actually know me, I feel like it would shock them. People already don’t get why I was happy about the whole thing.

In hindsight, I could have been more tactful about it, but I am an open book…

People have to get used to that about me, it’s a shock at first.

To this day, we do still feel bad about it at times. My dad didn’t hesitate to lay the guilt trip on thick when I did talk to him for the first time.

And it bothered me.

I still get dreams about it all too. They tend to make me doubt myself, my worth, my decisions. My sisters gets them too.

But the difference now is, he’s not here. We can replay all his words in our heads, but he’s not here to say them. At some point, either you embrace that or you don’t, I think.

Something that bugged me a lot about it all too is this:

Does Christianity really work?

If my mom and dad really believe, how can they act the way they do? Why are they not kinder?

But recently, I’ve realized I could ask myself the same questions.

Christianity ought to make me happy all the time, if it’s true. It’s truly an amazing belief. Puts everything in the right place, mean that life has a meaning beyond what we can imagine.

I think the very reason it doesn’t make me feel that way all the time is because humans cannot hold the whole truth in our heads for very long. You grow into it…

But really even a piece of Christianity is enough food for thought to last you your whole life, so the whole things is even harder.

Other religions usually just have piece of Christianity in them, and the make more of one thing than another. Then add their own stuff to it.

If we could fully realize it at all times, I think we would live completely differently always.

But our focus shifts from one element to another.

In my life, I’ve accepted that God highlights certain aspects of it for me when I need them. That I can’t try to focus on it all at once, I grow in one thing at one time, and another thing at another time. And hat is the only way I think we really can live.

If that’s not your life, you’re probably not grown at all.

And why would I want to exclude certain parts of it anyway? I want the whole picture.

All the immature Christians I know tend to end up stuck on one thing, and they refuse to leave it, ever.

You’ve met the type no doubt, if you life in the West. They harp on about judgment, or holiness, or grace, till you’re sick to death of it.

And you wonder “what about all the other elements of it?”

Yeah, being a well rounded Christian is kind of like being the avatar. You can’t rely too much on one element, you need all of them together, or you’re off balance.

God is a consuming fire, you have to know him as such–but he’s also the living water, and you need to know Him as that.

And really, that’s what make God interesting, isn’t it? As well as people, if you really get to know them.

We spend too much time in our niches now. It used to be you had a friend you learned different stuff about that friend.

But now I can have online friends for each interest i my life, and never need to go beyond that, ever. And it’s no wonder I feel like I don’t really know any of them that well.

That said, I can’t always know why some Christians don’t live the way I want.

But there’s two point to be made here.

  1. Christians are never promised to be 100% perfect while on earth. We’re told that will not happen, n fact–and we wouldn’t’ be able to relate to anyone else if it did.
  2. It’s entirely possible my idea of what everyone should live like is shallow and narrow minded. Do I know everything? No.

And those who criticize Christians for that reason are actually kind of arrogant. Like, you think you can judge us for still having issues? Do you have a better way of life? Are you doing so much better?

Christianity does not promise to fix all you problems overnight. It promises to save your soul.

What you do with that, is going to be a journey.

But whats the alternative?

I’m convinced that there is no way of life we can take as human that it will turn us into angels.

But Christianity is the only thing that will make anything close to it.

The idea is how close are we getting?

Christian re not always good peopel, but mor chirsitn are good people than people who have no God, and no faith. Or who have iath ina ahrshed God.

Not all charitiyes are chirsitn, but most of them are.

Not all world chagner have ben chirsitnst–but mst of the ones we still revere to this day were.

Not all really good books and sotreis are christiant, but many of the ones we still like after so many centureis were.

One has to look at the tendancies of man, not isioated indivuaile, sometiems.

While my dad was a jerk, and still is. I can’t being to guess how much worse it would have been if he did not at atle thav eto rpetend to be Christiatn. If it spared me one bad moment out of two, then it was something.

And he at least taught me to trun to God, even if he did not practice it himself the way I think he shoudl ahve.

My dad, while the most destructive force in my life next to my own human nature, also ushered in a lot of moments of truth for me.

Do I like him? No.

Can I ignore that? No.

God brings good out of bad, that’s what He does. He doesn’t just keep all bad away from us.

I find that view of life escapist.

I know that people often see this explanation as a christian cliche, and bitter, angry people do not want to hear it anyway.

But I’m to the point where I think: Well, sure, it’s cliche…but what else could you conclude based on the world around us?

God has to be good, I know, because if God was evil why would anything good still exist?

An Evil God would not bother giving us free will, would He?

You can’t reconcile the presence of Good and Evil in the world without a good God giving his creations free will, it’s just not possible.

If God was evil, we all literally wouldn’t have a prayer. If God didn’t care, then we would all be dead already from our own stupidly.

If God is Good, but does not force us to be, then we have our answer. Evil has consequences. To stop them is to render it meaningless to choose at all.

You can’t give your kids keys to the car, and then put it on autopilot, and say that they drove it. It’s just not how choice works. If they crash it, that was a a risk you took.

But it’s more of a risk to not let a kid learn how to do things for themselves, is it not? If you cannot coddle them through life, what will they do?

And God could do that for us, but he seems more interesting having adults, or at least kids with some sense of self.

Every child understands the idea of choice, it’s us older people who try to say we don’t have one.

It’s an old answer, but maybe let’s old because it’s true.

We should consider that, you know.

Some things are just true, so they are eternal.

I know that people who have been hurt do not want to hear that it had to happen.

And maybe it didn’t, I’m not sure sin ever “had” to happen.

But it does.

We all do it.

I’m inclined now, at 22, to think it’s a better use of my time to let God heal and teach me to live better, than to whine about how it all sucked.

Jesus suffered too, after all.

I still have lots of memories of self pity, but God willing, they are getting less.

And I do have some things I still need to work through, but I’m leaning also that it is not the most important thing in the world.

I guess, I’m saying, we can complain about our lives…or we can take the offer to have them made new.

But guess what, whether you take Gods’ offer or not, you’re life is still going to have bad things in it.

It’s just a matter or whether you ever want there to be more to it than that.

That has always been what Christianity offers. Not an escape from the world, but from yourself, and your pain.

With that thought, I think I’ll just end this here, this is short for me, but I think that’s okay.

Until next time, stay honest–Natasha.

“I’m bad at love!”

Time for a confession: I’m bad at love.

I’m the blogger who’s always like “love, love, love” “The secret to life” “the truth about love…” etc.

But I suck at it.

I don’t know if anyone is actually good at love, though.

Is there a single person out there who prioritizes love as their goal in life who thinks they are doing it right?

Show me someone who does, and I’ll show you someone who’s not really as unselfish as they think they are.

It’s true that some people achieve a form of contentment with how they love. And that’s not a bad thing to an extent, feeling satisfied with the relationships in your life, but often that means you’re only focusing on a certain few relationships.

Like maybe you love your wife, but you don’t love your parents the right way.

It’s so rare that an human can perfectly balance all their relationships and ways of loving.

Some of us are good with loving our kids, but not our spouse. Some of us are good with friends but not as lovers.

Much more often though, we’re just good at certain parts of love. When we need to be firm, we’re good at it, or when we need to be soft, we’re good at that, but not good at switching gears. And in all love, you have to be both.

I speculate that even if we could be a perfect, romance novel type of person who never gets mad at their SO even if the do terrible, stupid things…we’d still think we could do better.

But to be honest, even that’s a are person.

Most of us are where I often find myself: Complacent. We think we’re pulling enough of our own weight to excuse any indulgences of selfishness.

I’m embarrassed to admit that even recently I’ve fallen into thinking “Well, I do all this, and I’m trying. And they (insert whoever I’m mad at right then) are not, so it’s okay if I feel disappointed and bitter, but they should try harder.”

And only after months of this does it finally occur to me, by some move of the Spirit maybe, that…” hey, maybe if I’m thinking this, it’s a sign I’ve started to drift away from love as my focal point.”

I mean, I think about love all the time–as something I want.

And, okay, I’m not the worst woman in the world. I do try. Even when I’m in a selfish rut, I will make an effort to show care to others because that is my standard. I believe I should.

And absolutely, in moment when we all get in that mindset, it’s important to have a standard we’ll hold ourselves to anyway, even if we’re doing it with a self pitying attitude, because it’s not okay to just lash out at and hurt others because you feel neglected. I used to do that.

A lot, actually, but since my Dad moved out, I’ve noticed how much like him that behavior is, and tried to stop.

I remember Hannah Hurnard’s brutally honest observations in “Hinds Feet on High Places” when she noted that most of our love, as fearful people, is “longing to be loved.” C. S. Lewis noticed the same thing in “The Great Divorce” and “Till We Have Faces.”

I think all people are afraid they won’t be loved. Sometimes even if you have really good parents, you fear it all the more, because you think you could do something to them they really don’t deserve, and lose their love. What else is the story of the prodigal son about?

If you’re like me, and you will never get love from them, no matter how much you try, then you feel you were doomed from the start.

And it hit me in the last week, that the real reason I find it hard to forgive and let go of resentment is Fear.

I think that’s the reason we all do, actually.

Fear motivates spitefulness and hatred and bitterness. (All things that plague Much Afraid in Hurnard’s book, interestingly enough)

I think it’s becuae as long as we fear someone who hurt us, we think they can keep urting us, and that maks us angry, and that angeyr make it impsosible to forgive them.

When I don’t feel afraid of my dad, I don’t feel like I hate him. But any time I ruminate on what he did and wants to do to be still, I get angry, because I fear it. I fear he can still hurt me, and that I will never heal.

And whether that is at all based on the truth or not, I don’t know. I doubt it. I think that time is passed. but, there it is.

I notice often bad dreams trigger me to start thinking of this again, I know that happens to a lot of people with trauma. We have to deal with them quickly. If I don’t the fear comes back. Even if I wasn’t scared in the dream, my mind ends up on those things.

I know my dad had nightmares of his messed up past even to the time he move out probably (which as of last month is now officially 2 years ago, whoo hooo!) and he never got over it, he wouldn’t face them.

My dad, in fact, lives in deep terror, whether he admits it or not, but he won’t confront that fear enough to move on. It’s easier to live in lies and self pity than it is to face your fear, and grow into love.

And really, I sympathize with him in my more clear headed moments, because I know I face those same temptations. And nothing makes me a better person that him.

I would have mistreated people just the way he did, in fact, I have, in the past And while I can write off some of it as I was a child and too young to know better if I wasn’t taught, there are people who never grow out of it (such as my dad…)

And so easily, even now, I an start thinking like him. The whole world is against me, no one likes me, I always get put down…I am lonely.

But I’ve begun to notice, after 2 years, that I am not open to people always the way I think I am.

I just never learned how to act normal around them. I’ve made some friends who are kind enough to overlook that, but I know sometimes I make them uncomfortable. I only realize it after I’ve done it, though, my foresight is not great.

I know how to react to people, that’s what I’m used to, but how to communicate the right way when I have to start it…I always feel like I’m too intense. All the confrontations I saw growing up were one person bullying another.

And sometimes it was my mom, not my dad, who was aggressive and violent, that was weird to realize. My dad was worse, but she could be savage too, not in a good way.

I thought it was normal. My default in confrontation is to jump wright into the crux of the issue without much of a warning, because that’s what I saw. I know in my head that in can be better to ease into it, but I neither know how to do that, nor know how to be patient if someone else tries it. I just want them to get to the point.

I’m used to being accused, so I wait for them to accuse me, and then I either decide to take the blame, or to fight it.

But while sometimes you have to be in that position, it’s not a good default mode to have. I know that now.

This is how I’m bad at love. I can know that, but I can’t act on it of my own volition.

I’ve spent two years now trying to learn how to actually love in the absence of my dad’s domineering presence, I thought it would happen without that toxic black hole in my life.

And some things did get better, but it’s not magic. It’s still work.

Trust is like a pond of murky water
Too dark to see, mysteriously undercover
I can’t jump off the high dive even though I really want to
My toes are hanging off the ledge

Trust is a tree that towers fifty feet above us
Grown over time through many seasons
Believing in something more than just the surface
I trust that this is worth it
But my toes are hanging off the ledge

Lord, help me, there’s a thorn in my side
I feel the tension and the fear in truth
I carry life in between the divide
But all the wrestling has left me bruised.

How sweet, the taste of certainty
That gift you gave is safe with me

Hold to this, significance
Lean into the process
Rest and know, the love you hold
Won’t be taken back, no

How sweet, the taste of certainty
That gift you gave is safe with me
Na, na, na, na, na

Trust is like the middle of the ocean
Can’t see the bottom but I’m floating here, supported
I know that it can take me even deeper if I let it
But my limbs are trying to swim away

Hold to this, significance
Lean into the process
Rest and know, the love you hold
Won’t be taken back, no

How sweet, the taste of certainty
(Releasing hope to carry me)
How sweet, the taste, never let it go, no
(Na, na, na, na, na)I see the walls that are torn and bent
The tug of war in the now, not yet
Holding back what they can contain
Can you tell me why I feel this way?

I have faith that the world I’m in
Will be redeemed to its place again
But there’s a weight that I can’t explain
So tell me why I feel this way.”

Like Paul said, “I don’t do what I want to do.” (Romans)

And like Shakespeare said, “I can easier teach 20 what it were good to be done, than be one of the 20 to follow mine own instruction.” (Portia, The Merchant of Venice.)

But, the answer came to me, as it always does, before I even knew I needed it. Before I had all this hit me in that last couple weeks, I reread “The Hiding Place” with my young cousin.

At the end of that book, Corrie Ten Boom says that when she had trouble loving one of the Nazi Prison Guards from the camp she was at, she told Jesus “I cannot forgive this man, give me your forgiveness.” And she felt a rush of love run down her arm for the guard.

She then writes “When He (God) tells us to love our enemies, he gives, along with the command, the love itself.”

Jesus said “I am the vine, you are the branches, abide in me.”

And you see, my mistake, I now realize, has been I was trying become more loving on my own.

It’s laughable really. I wanted to prove I was no like my dad, (and thought I know from Todoroki that its not going to work if i do that, I still forget), and so I tried, but I didn’t’ pray to God for help when I should have, and I let myself try too hard on my own, for too long. Till I feel like I hate everyone around me.

And even if that didn’t turn me into a prick like Endeavor, it won’t make me more loving.

It’s like I think I can be exempt from the rule, that I’m not as bad as everyone else. What am I on, right?

But I’m also realistic enough to know I’m not more delusion that the average person…just no less delusional either.

But at least I can snap out of it. I know I’m lucky. God puts things in my path to set me back on track.

I had a thought last night too, I can see God’s hand in my life from start to finish. But why do other people not see that.

And my thought is this: Perhaps it takes opening yourself up to God to begin with to be given the insight to see your life the right way at all.

Maybe until you let God in, you will never see how your whole life has led you to Him, even the sin. Many people who come to God later come to think that their sin itself is what pushed them to Him, even as they were trying to get away from him by doing it.

I remember running from God when I was 11 to 13, and the harder I tried to get away, the more it haunted me. The more I knew it was just God I was afraid of. I could never lie to myself enough to think I just didn’t believe in Him. I wonder if anyone really does, deep down, think that.

But when I ran from God, I also knew He was the only cure for the disease I had. I was just too afraid of it. When I came back to God, it as because I accepted finally it would be worse to die of the sin disease than to embrace the pain of being cured from it.

And in typical fashion, God then made the curing of it far less painful for me than suffering from it was. I’ve had bad moments in my Christian walk, but even at its lowest, I can’t compare it to the horror of before.

And even if I felt as bad at times as a christian, it is always when I doubt the most that I am one. When I am secure in who I am, the suffering is not what matters most to me.

Another thing that occurred to me during all this, was how I know that all this is not just in my head.

I actually have a rather strange way to know that.

I’m the kind of person who dwells half her waking life in imaginary worlds. I write a lot, my sister and I reenact stuff in order to brainstorm, I act. I know what’s imaginary more than I know what’s real, most of the time.

Basically, I’m the type of person who always imaging talking to people who are not real. But I know they aren’t real. It’s fun, but it’s not like talking to a person. There’s no give and take.

And I know many anime weebs do what I do, and do it even to a perverted extent. If you’re in the fandom, you know…if your’e not, it’s probably better I don’t explain it here. Look it up if you care, but I don’t recommend that.

Suffice it to say human corruption runs even to the most innocent of shows. Sadly enough.

But many weebs are very lonely individuals, and loneliness leads to perversion faster than anything else does.

But the thing is, they are still lonely. Fantasy lives of the kind they have don’t fill them.

If you hang around fans, you’ll notice the frantic, almost rabid energy they have toward their favorite character, and their unfettered need to hate their lest favorites. It seems excessive.

But fans try to milk everything for the most enjoyment they can (which is fine).

Now, walking with God, I as a fan have used that energy as motivation to thank God for the stories I like that I think I learn from. My fan side turned back into devotion, though I do struggle with the balance, like anyone else would. But God wins out every time.

And oddly, it is exactly because I dwell in fantasy so much that I know God is not a fantasy in my head.

I know what it’s like to talk to people who are not real. What it feels like. You can be emotionally invested in them. All writers are. But they aren’t real. You now that. You know it’s one sided.

And a fan knows ultimately that either love is fake and one-sided, the character will never be real–no matter how violent you get when someone makes that completely obvious point. (If I was on YouTube right now and commented that under a video, people would jump on me, even though it’s just a statement of fact.)

Talking To God is not like that. I think most religious people would back me up on this. You feel like your are talking to a person. There’s a response. Even in Silence, there’s a response.

I mean, would you get mad at an anime character for not answering you when you call? Or do you get mad at your brother for doing that? Or you child, or your parent.

You can’t really be upset with someone who is not real. You can feel a dislike for them, but you know it’s all for fun, really.

We can even dehumanize real people to the point we treat them like the are imaginary…but it doesn’t go the other way around, does it? You can make something less real to you, but it is hard to make it more real to you.

Ever had someone ruin a movie or show for you by telling you the special effects they use to make that awesome scene? And it was fake the whole time?

As a kid, we all had that, right?

Did you ever feel the same watching it? No. Because it could be made less real to you, but it cannot go backwards. It can’t be more real to you.

I think the only thing that make things feel more real is our own maturity to appreciate them growing. And that process is hard.

C. S. Lewis wrote that children outgrow fairy tales, but adults eventually grow back into them. That’s part of life. Everything you like you must learn to stop liking it for a while, in order to like it in a deeper way later.

Which is why marriage can be tempestuous after so many years, but the couples who stick it out often find a deeper kind of love. Friendship too. Even sibling relationships play this out. and those ten to be the least antagonistic out of family dynamics (there are exceptions).

That applies to love too, doesn’t it? How we love? We have to grow out of it, so we can grow back into it.

If we don’t embrace that process, we won’t be able to really love anyone or anything.

Maybe you need to hear that, huh? It’s okay to let something go, it doesn’t mean you can’t love it…it means you need to give you over time to mature. Don’t try to recreate old feelings if they are just not there…embrace the journey. (I mean that when it’s applicable, of course.)

I don’t mean to give up on a relationship if it no longer feels the same. I mean, if you accept it is not the same, and decide yourself to make it the best of what it is now, you’ll either find you dont need it anymore, or, it will turn into something better, deeper, given enough time.

That’s why if you love something you have to set it free.

Well, I’m little better at love than I was, because I have a good teacher.

I hope this helped someone today, until next time, stay honest–Natasha.

P. S. (Thanks to all the people who kept reading this even while I was gone for while, I appreciate that.)

One-Time
Monthly
Yearly

Make a one-time donation

Make a monthly donation

Make a yearly donation

Choose an amount

$5.00
$15.00
$100.00
$5.00
$15.00
$100.00
$5.00
$15.00
$100.00

Or enter a custom amount

$

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly

New Kitten

So, I got a new kitten last month.

Yeah, I can’t believe I didn’t post about it sooner, but I was writing so much for other projects. Yeesh.

BTW, I now have a fanfiction on Wattpad that’s hit 1.9k views!

Yeah it just blew up since March. I will link it here if you want to check it out. https://www.wattpad.com/user/worldwalkerdj

Anyway, my new black cat is name after not one, but two anime characters “For the memes” I told my family. (Inside joke)

I named her Saucy K. Panther Lily (the K was my sister’s addition.)

If you don’t get it…you don’t watch a lot of anime.

It’s a bit corny I know, but you get all these instant jokes out of it, and in my family, if you can’t make a joke out of a name for something, it’s just not worth it. We like to laugh.

Anyway, I thought why not write about what it’s like to be a first time cat-mama.

And no, I’m not just lonely.

Okay, yes I am.

Really though, I don’t get the whole cat lady stigma. Cats are awesome, I’d have a few even if I had kids. My grandma used to have like 10 or more at any given time when my mom was growing up, and she had kids.

Sure, it’s weird to not have friends unless they are cats, but I’ve got friends.

So with that unnecessary defense out of the way, let me go on.

I’ll tell y’all, I didn’t realize that your brain change when you become a parent–I mean, I knew it did for humans because of hormones, but it turns out, just owning something that’s alive at all can change how you think.

I love our other cats, but they aren’t mine, they’re the family’s, and so we all take care of them, but my Mom mainly pays for them.

Now taking on that responsibility myself, I have to think about what I can afford, and what’s best for a two months old cat.

I have to make sure she doesn’t get eaten by the dog…yeah, I acutely had a nightmare about that, but I partially blame my mom for putting the idea into my head.

Actually, the dog’s not really hostile to cats, oddly enough. But it’s a big dog, and she’s still a little cat. She’s fast though.

Also, you know they say pets take on their owner’s personality?

Well, my sister’s already saying this cat acts more like me.

She’s a happy, cheerful little thing. It’s been like 3 weeks and she’s already more well adjusted than any of our older pets are…sad to say. They all are more stressed out than she is.

She’s also not scared of much. She’s barely even scared of the dog anymore.

And she’s…persistent, to say the least. The older cats keep kissing and growling at her, but she’s still trying to make friends and keeps attacking them trying to get them to play. I think she’s wearing down the one.

Also, her favorite game is hide and seek/catch me if you can.

(I said to my family “she really is like Sasuke then”)

I always have thought my cats reflected human nature more than dogs. I mean, I think it’s both.

Dogs to me reflect our need for attention and praise from people above us.

Cats, on the other hand, reflect our need for respect, space, and reassurance.

Dogs protect, Cats comfort. Though there’s of course, room for both.

But cats definitely to me have more of a decided personality. I’ve had both cats and dogs, and I like dogs fine, but they seem to be very alike to each other to me. While cats are all different. Maybe I’m just biased.

Having my own pet, also makes me reflect on myself.

Like, I prefer cats party because they don’t need as much attention as dogs, and they aren’t as messy.

But is that a selfish reason to like cats? I don’t know. I just feel I don’t have the time for a dog. Or energy. And a cat is easier to cuddle with because it’s smaller.

Also my new cat is still a baby and need more attention.

I take care of our dog sometimes too, though it’s not really mine, but it’s way more stressful. But our dog is very anxious, not at all like the one we had when I was younger.

Also, getting a pet made me realize something about myself that should have been obvious.

I like taking care of things.

I thought everyone did. But my sister has actually illustrated for me that that is not true. Taking care of things stresses some people out. They may come to like it over time, but they don’t put themselves in that passionate on purpose.

They feel like they can’t live up to it, or do an adequate job.

For me, it’s not like that.

I do often feel like maybe I’m not good enough at what I do, but I do it anyway, because I do find joy in caring for other things.

I get more satisfaction out of feeling like something his my job. I’m more motivated then if it’s a joint task.

I tend to pawn things off on other people if it could be anyone who does it. But if it’s my job, I can actually be kind of possessive and jealous about it.

Basically, I’d be the woman who won’t bug you about your kids, but if you try anything with mine, I’m full war mode.

I don’t tell other people how to do their jobs often (unless they ask or I see a problem that’s too glaring to ignore) but I do not like if it they tell me how to do mine–and that happens a lot.

I mean, people really could just mind their own business more, you know?

I also am somehow the girl everyone is scared to cross in my friend group…I’ve scared people without even trying.

I don’t even think I’m that aggressive to people, I’m just…firm.

Well, maybe it’s perspective.

All that makes me someone who either enjoys being in charge…or simply has to be.

I kind of had to be the second mom to my sisters once my mom began working. I don’t know whether I like responsibility because I like it, or because I felt I needed to take it on.

But it doesn’t stress me out. Maybe I’m weird, or maybe I just inherited my dad’s attitude about it, as he never seemed to overthink it.

Or both their attitudes. That is what I worry about at times.

Both my parents were negligent in some ways, emotionally, sometimes in other ways too. I never got asked if I was okay. If I was upset I was told to calm down, stop crying, etc.

It was normal to me to go weeks or months without playing with other kids except at church. I don’t know if that’s bad or good, but it was normal.

Though I have a different personality, I know I have that model of care, and I imitate it whether I mean to or not.

Like, my dad would just ignore us and be on the computer as soon as he got him. I do that too.

I changed it by also purposely making time almost everyday to hang with one or both of my siblings, I actually am more proactive about it than they are, I have the drive.

My Mom would not talk to us unless we started the conversation, usually. And we didn’t talk about heavy stuff unless we started it, for sure. It’s funny, she was a stay at home mom up till I was a teenager…and after about 4 or 5, i have no memory of her trying to talk to me on purpose about heavy stuff, or anything, without me starting ti. That was the way it worked in my house.

I don’t know if I think that’s all bad, that’s the way some people are…but it did make it hard for me not to develop a strategy for self care that I have often felt was too much of a burden for someone my age.

For years I’ve known I have to start things if I want them to happen. I don’t expect people to care or think about what I want. And if they do, I am surprised, sometime mistrustful.

No family is perfect, and we humans tend to develop bad coping mechanism, no matter how perfect our family could be. I know that.

I remember when my mom stopped coming to sit with me after I had a bad dream. I remember when the same thing happened to my sister, and I became the one who would go sit with her.

I remember when I was sick and came to tell her and she was like “what do you want me to do about it?”

Yes, she got up eventually…but that response stuck with me.

My dad never got up at all for those things, and it was just understood that he wouldn’t. Daddy didn’t handle that kind of thing.

Shoot, I didn’t know Dads even did things like that till I got old enough to hear about other kids of fathers. I just assumed it was like that for everyone.

I didn’t know there were dads who made time for their kids on purpose. Sheesh.

Then again, I didn’t know there were husbands who were nice to their wives either.

I try to be available to both sisters and friends whenever they are in need of something. They know that I will put down my laptop, or book, or whatever, and talk to them if they need it.

I decided to become that way because I didn’t get it as a kid. And I am grateful when they do the same for me, though I usually apologize for bothering them, because in my mind, I am a bother, and there is always something more important than me they could be focused on.

Because that is what I heard.

My mom would tell me “I need to go to bed” or “I need to cook dinner” or “I need to do insert chore” and she didn’t have time to listen to me talk about what was bothering me for an hour.

And this wasn’t stupid stuff, mind you. I was hurt by my dad, my family, about being picked on, I didn’t just complain about nonsense like not having a toy I wanted. I’ve never been able to complain about things like that, and that’s not so bad. They are petty anyway.

My mom did listen to me plenty of times, but it always felt like a chore she did, to me. And she’d cut it off when she felt she couldn’t take more time away from something.

I’ve never had her actually just change what she was going to do because of me…well. Not if it was something serious.

I know that we cannot expect that always form people. But there are times when soemoen else really does need to come before our plans. We humans can’t plan when we’ll have heartbreaking moments, and the need to control our lives despite that is just a fantasy on our part.

That’s what I think anyway. I can do what I’m doing another time. It’s just a project.

But despite all this, I still wonder if my attitude is right. Do I still neglect others. There’s always more I could do.

But I know that comparison is a huge stumbling block in Love.

Even comparing myself to my parents is bad. Will I ever feel like I don’t do what they did? Anything can feel like them, if I frame it that way.

Was all they did bad? No.

Will I ever be perfect? Not in this life.

I think, in the end, the main thing is to be growing constantly. I am a better lover now than I was two years ago, I should be better in 5 years than I am now. Keep maturing.

Many of us stay static. Even those in the church. We don’t grow. Or we grow at a really, really slow pace.

Thank God, His grace is not based on our growth. But, it sure does shine more through it, doesn’t it?

You can grow fast or slow.

I just read an article about a man, Everett, who studied a small tribe of people, and lost his faith in Christianity because he observed a more harmonious lifestyle there, than he thought the Church produced.

That they were the goal we all strive for, and if Christianity worked it would produce those people.

I thought the guy kind of missed the point.

Though we are to be better people because of it, no where in the New Testament, that I know of, does it promise that we will be the best society because we are Christians.

The tribe in question didn’t even believe in God, they live in the Present. They couldn’t understand what he was talking about.

This is one point of religion that critics of it fail to understand. They claim religion should make us more peaceful.

Jesus said “I came not to bring peace, but a sword.”

Religion deals with the most important matters of life, and people take it dead seriously. Of course it will cause fights.

What is more worth fighting over than the actual truth about God and ourselves? Can you think of something more important than that?

I’m not for killing defectors, but I do understand why some religions do. It’s that serious to them.

Christ taught us to be merciful to those who don’t believe, but most religions have no such principle expressly stated in them. Islam is quite the opposite, in fact.

So, when people complain that the Church has not produced a more peaceful society or more contentedness in its members…I wonder, just why do they think it is supposed to do that?

Sure, we are to be as contented as we can be with what God gives us, but not contented with the way the world is. Christians are people of change, wherever we go. We can’t help it. Our core belief is that the world is not right the way it is. Take that away, and we have no reason to be Christians.

And to me, a life without God is no life at all. If this man, Everett, thought that was sufficient fr this tribe, he was a fool.

I know I am not culturally correct for saying that…I don’t care.

So, in a way, I need to not be satisfied with where I am, but not dissatisfied either. I must accept where I am now is a stage of the journey, but it’s not the goal.

I will never arrive as long as I walk this earth, but I can get closer.

I don’t know how I got to this from my cat.

But if I may tie it back in…Being a caregiver, a lover, really, is a process of improvement. You could always be better.

What makes you a good one is not how skilled you are now, really, but whether you intend to get better. If you’re trying, then, your heart is right.

And our lives catch up toour heart.

All the talent in the world is no good if you’re selfish with it.

I think that’s a goodplace to stop.

Until next time, stay honest–Natasha.

(My cat scratched me several times while writing this because I was not paying attention to her. Go Figure)